My depression has taken a serious toll as of late. Until I’m able to find a doctor who accepts our insurance and can get on some new medication, I’m having both withdrawals from the Celexa and feel like I’ve lost a part of myself. I can’t concentrate very much, move slowly, and there are very few things I even look forward to every day, most involving Michael. I feel like I’m almost myself when I’m around him, but when he’s gone, I’m just a dark shadow of myself. I lose track of reality and am always this-close to bursting into tears again. Everything seems pointless- putting on makeup, doing my hair, and some days, even taking a shower is hard. If I’m not exercising or on my iPad, researching details for our wedding, I’m under the covers of our bed, hiding. Everything terrifies me these days- being with people, but also being alone. I see the world in shades of gray these days.
I’ve lost myself.
I feel like I’m drowning and everyone is around me, simply telling me to “swim.” But I can’t.