I’ve never been one to take pills. I’m actually quite adamant against them- always shell-shocked when television commercials would finally get to the laundry list of side-effects, which, to me, seemed so much worse than the illness to which they were prescribed. I personally think more people pop pills like candy more for the fix rather than to “get better.” Just my own two cents. All while growing up and I’d get a brush of the flu or a head cold, my symptoms would’ve had to have me going through sheer hell before I’d take anything. In most ways, I think I’m healthier because of this. And also, I have an awful gag reflex.
In any case, a month ago, Heidi prescribed me a low-dose anti-depressant (Celexa), after identifying my symptoms. I was extremely hesitant at first, resisting filling it at the pharmacy. I wasn’t up for nausea, sleepless nights, and a whole slew of things I thought were imminent of starting something that was supposed to “help me.” I didn’t want my personality to change, or to be “numbed out.” My anxiety was getting much worse, though, to the point of holing myself up at home for days, unable to be productive or do much. I finally bit the bullet and filled my prescription. Heidi assured me that 10mg wasn’t anything to get all worked up over.
After following through the regimen for a week, I noticed a very noticeable change in my moods and behaviors. I was finally able to keep my head up and look people in the eyes again, instead of focusing on the ground. I don’t feel the desire to cry all the time or going postal on people. This is good. I feel less like I’m drowning and more like I’m swimming with some effort. The only side-effects I’ve felt so far are slow digestion (to the tune of occasional laxatives) and something relatively positive: lack of appetite. Meaning: I haven’t binged in a little while, nor actually have the desire to even eat my regular meals. In an ironic way, this will help me reach my goal faster…. but I do worry what will happen when I reach my goal weight. I’m already taking the lowest dose of Celexa that doctors prescribe.
In any case, I stood corrected and I do feel like I’m getting the help I needed. Between this and therapy, things are definitely looking brighter on my end.