Day 5 of 30 DoT: “Goal”

Day 5 of the 30 Days of Truth: “Something You Hope to Do in Your Life”

Among anything else I could say, any Beauty Pageant answer I could give, I hope to sincerely someday find peace about who I am and my body. I long to wake up someday and not feel instantly anxious about the day ahead in regards to my self-confidence, what other people think about me, what they may be saying or thinking, and what the scale says. I want to finally accept who I am and how I look so that when I make improvements for the right reasons, it’ll be enough. I won’t have to go to extremes. I won’t have the desire to purge after a binge… or binge to begin with. I won’t desire to heavily restrict calories in the sake of perhaps being underweight, just to say I did it. I don’t want to find pleasure in worrying others and avoid every junk food that I love for the sake of size 4 jeans. I want to find balance and patience with myself to do things slow and permanently. I want to stop comparing myself to other girls my age. I want to wake up with my mind focused on what I can possibly do today instead of checking my reflection in the mirror and reminding myself to suck in. I want to feel okay being me. If I didn’t accomplish this, I’d feel incomplete and uncomfortable landing that “dream job” or any other single “life goal” imaginable.

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