“Day 4: Something You Have to Forgive Someone For”
Oh, boy. Okay, well here goes.
Something I haven’t discussed much is my relationship with my mom. My mom is the most caring, most thoughtful woman I’ve ever known in my life. From when I was born, she emulated love. Love for her kids, love for all of her neighbors, and could make a new best friend on the street whenever she noticed someone in need of help. I have countless memories of her taking out meals to families who recently had babies/had a death in the family/just in need. She, unfortunately, through all her love of others, has always put herself last. She’s the last person on her own list, so if that means she goes without new shoes in 10 years, she does it. Regardless of the budget my Dad allows her each month, she uses every dime to help my nieces and nephews and my brothers’ families. I went through my average teenage phase where I put on a front where I didn’t want anything to do with my mom (or my dad, for that matter), just as every teenager does. Besides those few years, she and I have remained incredibly close. I’m thankful that I can call her my best friend. Having gone through the divorce has only made us closer.
Back to the reason, though. When Chris and I first married, and my being the last child, my parents used the opportunity to leave home and travel the world (my dad was recently retired). My dad had convinced her to finally leave with him, even after years of protesting to remain close to home. My mom’s favorite place in the world is home. That’s where I always expected her to be, I guess, so when the news came that she’d be leaving, first to Hawaii to live for a few years, I was stunned and shocked and heartbroken. Being married was my first time on my “own” and suddenly she wouldn’t be around anymore when I needed her. I was… upset. You probably won’t understand it, but I felt betrayed in a way. Those next months and few years were rocky in our relationship. When she’d fly back to Utah to visit, I was standoff-ish, resentful, and felt we didn’t have much to talk about anymore. It felt like she wasn’t part of my ever-changing life anymore. I felt isolated from my family. Like learning to swim for the first time, I held on to her so tightly that when she gently let go to let me paddle on my own, I felt I might drown.