Miniature Triumphs

Losing weight again has brought me back into that dreadful important phase of appreciate the small stuff, guys. Stuff like having your boyfriend’s mother comment on how slender you’re looking again, the ease at which I can articulate about the portion size I’ve just eaten, the calories consumed and remembering to write it all down and space out all 5 meals accordingly. And then the slightly larger things like running distance again, which I love to pieces.

Which brings me to my longest long run SBP (since binging period) yesterday: 7 miles without stopping. I am currently training for my fourth half marathon, which is next month on the 13th. I have been in “serious” training, though, for only 3-4 weeks. It goes without saying that I get anxious before any scheduled long run. I worry about the most stupid and unrelative things, like, “What if I throw up on the treadmill (since I trained inside on this day),” “What if I trip over my shoes and end up flying off, and hitting the wall behind me,” “What if I… just can’t make it the full way?”

Fortunately, my body is still very strong. My legs can somehow recall the motion of distance running. My arms remember how to pump without too much thought and know the position in which to be to not erroneously elevate my heart rate. My lungs can fill to almost-full capacity and can work in a progressive rhythm. My foot fall helps zone my mind out to cycle through the miles. Just allowing myself to take the chance, I am happily surprised (time after time) that, yes, I can still do this; that I can maintain close the same pace prior to my May fallout without much effort at all. I am (and hopefully forever will be) a runner. This is what I do. This is a part of who I am. 13.1 miles doesn’t seem as daunting anymore and I can encourage myself to the start line once again. My goal is to work up to 10 miles without stopping, a week before Race Day.

Being on the opposite side, I remember what it’s like to build yourself up, to push yourself to try once more. I’m always amazed at what my body is capable of, with time and patience.

I just have to “suit up” and “shut up.”

xoxo,
A

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One thought on “Miniature Triumphs

  1. Anxiety is to be expected, it’s birthed from the same imbalances that make us punish ourselves with food. Every day you are making the choice To Live, and that is so, so impressive.

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