Be Here Now

I have this thing called procrastination down to an art. If I have a test coming up, I’ll use every second prior to it by updating Facebook, reading a new book/magazine, texting clients and friends… folding my socks… WHATEVER I can possibly do to avoid having to do studying I have to do. The thought of homework and tests make me anxious and I can barely sleep the night before a test. I assure you, I am not awake, trying to study more. I am actually tossing and turning in bed, after attempting to get to bed at a decent time.

When I’m with friends/family, I’m thinking of work. When I’m attempting to work, I’m thinking of school. When I’m at school, I’m thinking of the friends that I want to talk to. It’s getting ridiculous! I can’t just sit still and power through whatever I’m doing. It’s like I have ADD when it comes to everything except exercising. It seems like my workouts are my one release from, well, living everyday.

Need to scoop the litter-box again today.

It’s like I’m consistently in this “stuck” state of life. I don’t allow myself to go the full mile and be wildly successful at anything- being an awesome friend, a better listener, a stellar student. I’m always contemplating my next move and I’m constantly in this mode of stress and hidden panic, like I’m getting ready for a bomb to blow up. I’m constantly checking my phone, looking for new emails, new texts, new Facebook messages, and am always looking at the time. Someone will begin having a conversation with me and without my trying, my eyes glaze over and I’m having an internal-conversation with myself over everything else I still need to do.

Still need to pick up the dry-cleaning.

What is WITH me? I believe in being organized, but being constantly “plugged-in” is draining my battery short. I end up giving 20% to 100 different things instead of giving 100% to 20 things (for now).

When is that 1110 proposal paper due?

Heidi says I need to learn how to say “no” better. I’ve heard this before and I believe it to be true, that when you say “no” to someone/something else, you are saying “yes” to yourself. You’re caring about your mental and physical well-being. We stretch ourselves too thin and the “priority list” is no where to even be found. I know, personally, that I end up getting resentful and bitter and end up snapping eventually. Some TLC now will prevent that from happening in the future, right? Let’s hope so. I excel at making a list of every single thing I need to get done, but then the sheer length of the list overwhelms me and I go running in the other direction. This has happened more than once this week alone. The list is getting long, my friends.

It really does take a village. And I don’t even have kids yet.



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