Women and their weight (and weight issues) are always a very touchy topic for guys. It’s needless to say that I’ve always stayed far, far away from the proverbial “Does my ____ look fat in this?” bullet question. I just would rather not know. I think it’s also a relief to Michael, as well.
In the minds of guys, they want nothing more than to solve a problem- whatever that problem may be. Instead of cuing into emotions and hearing us ladies out, they want to fix us up with a weight loss program/diet pill/number of a personal trainer.
Since moving on past the rocky months earlier this year, every day I’m working towards getting back to where I was, but better. Michael and I have been training together 3-4 times a week and I stay over at his condo most nights of the week, so we have breakfast and usually dinner together, too. On the occassions when we eat out with his parents or even together on a date, I’m trying my hand at picking healthier options but still relaxing into a place where I don’t feel deprived.
When I was at my lowest weight, I was very guilty of calling out friends and family members alike for their food crimes, spouting out random (useless in the case) facts about the anti-foods they were ingesting, about trans-fats, sodium contents, and so on and so forth. My family would begin to squirm and my friends didn’t want to be around me much. Touche. Being on the other end of the fence has taught me how that feels. I love Michael to pieces and I know he means well, but I get so offended when he jumps into the conversation with an “are you supposed to eat that?” and “are you sure you need seconds?” I know he’s trying to help me. I know he’s just trying to keep me on my toes, help me back to my goal faster, but the comments hit a very sensitive spot. I react to this “authority figure” by only wanting to eat more.Now, how is THAT supposed to be right? In a unspoken way, I’m actually saying, “screw you. You can’t control me!” I like that he wants to be a part of the experience and journey, but just wish he’d find another way…
Lately, I’ve been battling the war of two girls- my thin, fit self and the old, depressed large self that I lived as for 19 years of my life. It’s far too easy to slip back into my old habits. That’s what terrifies me.
My therapist, Heidi, and I were discussing this at my session this week: how can I allow him to help without overstepping his bounds? How can I help him help me help myself?
For those of you with spouses and partners of your own, struggling with your own weight issues, how do you handle this touchy topic in your home? I know, personally, that I can’t deal with anyone watching over my shoulder, even in a positive intention.
Happily Tuned Out,