Outside Assistance

Time has flown by, friends! Sorry for becoming MIA. Currently, I’m three weeks into my new Beachbody program, Les Mills PUMP and loving the results so far. It’s become a new favorite of mine, that’s for sure, and no other workout has targeted my hamstrings this much.

Something else that is brand new is that I’ve begun working once a week with a psychotherapist to work through the drama growing up and through current emotions from the divorce. I, like many, had such a stigma about therapy and “getting psyched,” but I will now be the first to tell you how much it’s already helping me. It’s nice to have someone from the outside, someone with a degree and in practice for this specific thing, telling me how to overcome emotions and work through them, verses bottling them up (or eating them in the past) like I’m so used to doing. Getting mad, crying, or expressing yourself doesn’t make you weak or crazy. And in fact, just the opposite is true. Thank God for that. I mean, you still need to pick your battles and obviously not thrash out at people, but it means STICKING UP FOR YOURSELF. NOT LETTING OTHER PEOPLE WALK ON YOU. And most importantly, not holding back.

My therapist has also been the clarity through this massive fog about personality traits that I haven’t been able to grasp on my own. I love that she doesn’t sugar-coat anything- that’s just what I needed. Here are a few tidbits she laid on the line: I’m extremely competitive, I carry too much responsibility (no, I don’t mean paying for the bills, getting up on time, etc. I mean that I feel responsible when things happen to me out of my own control. I like to say sorry for everything), and think most of what goes wrong is my own fault. That somehow, I still believe what my Dad put me through, put my brother and my mom through, is somehow my doing. That just because my marriage failed, it was my own fault and Chris played no part. Yeah, this news was hard to swallow and the moment she said it, the waterworks began. Surprise.

She mentioned during my first appointment that most people, when seeking therapy, only go in for the first session. They are too scared for the journey that will follow that first time. Yeah, but I am, too. But if getting raw, talking about the stuff that hurts is what leads to my eventual recovery… then bring it. Time to soldier up.

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