Bittersweet Day

In a very strange head space today, friends. I’ve been sitting on my decision for a while, but today I finally went and sold back my wedding ring to the same jeweler that Chris purchased it from. I didn’t need the money, but I needed the closure and this was it. For whatever reason, selling back the ring today was more final to me than the actual divorce papers. This was reselling the piece of jewelry that I remember him working double jobs for a few months in order to afford to buy me. Add to the fact that it would’ve been 4 years married this month, as well, and you see where I’m coming from. I have a hard time maintaining my usual smile and kinda feel like I’m in a daze.

I want to add in that I don’t regret my decision at all and am trying my best to remember all the reasons why I left him in the first place. It was the right thing to do. I’m the only one who has to know that or live with that. It’s just a bittersweet goodbye to something I had hoped would really last forever. Recently, there have been moments where I’ll hear a song on the radio that reminds me of him and the happy times we did share and I get angry or sad. I have learned to just ride it out and then look for the positive. There were many points today that I broke out in tears, but it was my release from any recent anger or hurt I’ve been feeling towards him and what happened. Believe me when I say that I still want the very best for both of us. I hold no animosity towards him whatsoever or ever will. I loved this man with every part of me and letting him go was truly the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Since the divorce, we’ve chatted a few times via text messaging, but I do hope one day we’ll be to a place (and soon) where we can continue our relationship as friends. I always want to be in touch with him. I want the very best from him and am interested to hear how everything goes from here: his schooling, his career, and yes, even a future wife someday. That’s how I know I’ve moved on- I can picture him with someone that better fits him and I’m actually happy about it. All I hope is that we’ve both learned from our mistakes and can treat the next one with more understanding, thoughtfulness, and selflessness. A relationship (and especially a marriage) takes investment in time: quality over quantity.

I plan on using the money from the ring for something very special as I move on. I’m still considering options, and I may even choose to save it. Moving forward is hard, but it’s better than being left behind. I choose to thrive from here on out.

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