Something from Nothing

I don’t know about you or your past, but I was teased tormented all throughout elementary through high school. I never felt like I quite fit in anywhere, like my piece of the puzzle just wasn’t the right shape. I never fit the mold, whether it was at school or even close to home, in my family.

While the other school kids would pick on me, ridicule me, make me feel worthless for being overweight, I felt like an outsider in my own family because my two older brothers were excelling at both school and sports. They were always in the “in” crowd, went on a lot of dates, were liked by almost everyone and had tons of friends, and scored scholarships to college later on. I was making it by with mostly B grades, sat in the back of almost every class, didn’t dare go out of my bubble to try sports, be in the school play, ect. I didn’t want any more attention drawn to my size… or me, for that matter. I didn’t want to be seen. I didn’t put myself out there for fear of failure and looking even more ridiculous than I already did. I didn’t want more criticism or comments from my peers, so I didn’t try. At home, it was always “Time to get to Marc’s soccer game/school play” or “Way to go, Scott! Straight A’s again? Totally not surprised. Our son!” I just wanted to be half as miraculous.

That was fat Amy, the old shell of myself. Since reaching this new body, this new life, along with new habits and new lifestyle to stay this healthy, this fit, and this size, I am also trying brand new things. Things that I never would’ve dreamed of doing, of trying out, of being. The old me didn’t want to excel (or fail), and now I am forging my own path through life, living on my own, choosing my life on my own, and thinking and living an a complete individual. I do feel complete now. No one else had to do that for me. Even though the nasty comments from my peers still sting me from time to time and I can hear them replay in my head sometimes, the inner voice inside me is 600 decibles louder. My own strength rings true. I don’t need their acceptance or approval anymore (never did, but you know how high school goes). I’m strong for me. I’m beautiful for me. I’m fit for me. I’m as happy/sexy/beautiful/intelligent as I’d like to be. And that’s that.

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