Looking Up

I heard an awesome quote yesterday that makes complete sense, but is too easy to forget sometimes: “Whatever you set your eyes on, your focus will follow.” I began to think of where I’ve allowed my eyes to go, where I’ve chosen to give attention, and where I could improve. I know that, growing up, all I wanted was to be skinny. I wanted a thin waist, I wanted thin arms, thin legs, and I despised and envied any woman who had the body that I coveted at that time. Looking at my partially-gentically-created body with slightly wider hips (for childbearing, I’m assuming), larger ribcage, and my tall height of 5’9-5’10, I allowed myself to wallow in pity for not looking the way I “wanted” to. This downward spiral led to even more binging and emotional eating. I had set my eyes on the wrong images from the beginning. Those are the things I thought I should want to be, the way society expected me to look. Needless to say, I was wasting precious time and adding to heartache. I couldn’t control the body that genetics had given me, but I could control the excess layers of fat that laid on top of the frame. I could work harder to turn my body into something strong instead of thin; I could focus on performance, rather than being tiny. Even with my new body, I am made to feel not small enough. Even as a small size 4, there will always be women who are thinner, prettier, more talented (in some areas) than I am. And to that I say so what?

I began to set my sights and focus my eyes on inspiration, and what I could be, rather than media’s portrayal of the modern waif of a woman (who’s body frame parallels that of a preteen girl). I wanted to be toned and fit and not thin anymore. I recently cleared my apartment of any and all images, magazines, and books that kept me from my goal. Even magazines that claim to be a source of motivation and inspiration for today’s twenty-and-thirty something woman on exercise and “fitness” featured photo-shopped and airbrushed distorted images. In the trash they went! If anything, I want to look real. I want to be fit. You know what’s beautiful? Strength. I want to be and feel strong. What does “thin” get you? Congratulations on your advancement in being sexualized.

I have new sources of motivation- women of power, women of substance, women who have a brain between inside their beautiful heads, and truly, role models to me and thousands of others alike. I am setting my course in a new direction, only giving my attention to that which will lift me higher and give me things to strive for, like more reps, higher weights, and truly going the distance with both my own training AND my career.

I want to be less of this…

and a lot more of this…

I want to be much less of this…

And much, much more like this…

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