First off, I want to say sorry for becoming MIA for the past… 3 weeks? I kept mulling over how I wanted to post this and would continually end up on WordPress again and again to try to start this post, but couldn’t find the courage or the inspiration.
Well, those of you who’ve been reading my posts (especially the last one) know that I’m getting ready to move to a new place in a new city next month. I’ll also be starting a new job, making new friends, have a new neighborhood and commute. With all that… newness, I was thinking over all the areas of my life that could use mending or removing. For the past 2 years, I began to become smothered emotionally in a toxic relationship with my husband. He became extremely immersed in his gaming addiction (every night for 5 hours, starting 30 mins after he’d get home from work) and every day, I’d begin feeling a little more ignored, neglected, isolated. I did my part to speak up and tell him what I’d like (less screen time, more wife time), but this request would cause him to blow up every time. Every day, this would continue until I’d be asleep and then well into the night. I’d fall asleep on the couch next to him around 10 pm and he’d continue playing until about 1am, when he’d wake me up to finally head to bed.
We weren’t talking anymore. We made small talk to pass time, mostly to avoid fighting.
His family didn’t really approve of me since the beginning of my weight loss (at the start of our marriage). The only thing we had in common before that were our affinity for onion rings and being couch potatoes. I didn’t want to be hassled to have kids on demand, to gorge myself on fried food, and to be there when I felt constantly picked on.
I want to take the upper hand and not continue to smear what we had and who he is. It just got the point, more and more visibly, that I deserved better. I was tired of feeling lonely in a marriage, when I do pretty amazing on my own.
Taking that first step was the hardest part and it’s all uphill from here. Now I can create a brand new start, a brand new me.