Beginning to feel alive again, thanks to some heavy dosage of sudafed and a good 2 hour nap this afternoon. I feel like I’m finally getting back to normal, which I’m so excited about. It really is true what they say about not appreciating health until you’ve lost it. Working out every day is definitely worth not feeling like this more than I need to, thankyouverymuch! While being couch-ridden and not able to distract myself with the business that is daily life, I had a lot of time to think about how life is going, where I want to improve, and things I want to change.
In less than one month, Chris and I will be moving about an hour away (still in Utah) and will be facing that really refreshing sense of newness: neighborhood, neighbors, friends, commute, and all that goes with it. We’ll be the new kids in class once again, so I’m excited and nervous. Excited to get away from his parents (I have to be perfectly honest) and not fear running into them anytime I step foot outside our home here. It’ll be a lot… calmer, I guess, and more relaxed with Chris and I living an hour away.
And so there’s that whole relationship and I’m figuring out if things are exactly as I want them to be. I feel like I’m just standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down below, about to jump, shaking from fear and smiling from anticipation.
I beginning to shed the emotional weight that I’ve held with me all of these years, afraid to stand up for myself and the things I want. I’m getting to that place where I believe I could be deserving of a man who loves me completely. Without going into further detail, I’m making sure that’s what I have here. And if not, now would be the time to pick myself up and move on with my life. I owe him AND myself that much, right? No more waiting time.